The Ocean

By mcwhittemore

Below my window
The waves crash
And pull
The shore away

I think I like this, but two difficulties. First, a minor technical one: I don’t get the last line break? Why not make it three lines?
Second, the visual I get with waves crashing, at least immediately, is them settling into the shore, and only after that them pulling it away. If it’s possible, working in that second step, of them slowing down as they came up the shore before they turning around and pulled at it, might make it a little more vivid.
Overall, I like it though. Thanks.
Donny - 12 05 08 - 22:49

What do you think of this?

Below my window
The waves crash
Then pull my beach away
Chase - 13 05 08 - 15:14

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Name: Matthew Chase Whittemore
Occupation: Student
Blog: Moment Picture and And Then I Was